Chewing Pine

All Parallels – Formulate a Tragedy (On the Rise Records, 2004)

Let me first say that when you list your “Legal Representation” at all in the liner notes of a release like this, perhaps you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself. Regardless, I don’t think “post-hardcore” is a genre. To me it seems more like a time frame than a style. But this trio from the Northeast region of our fair land has learned to play in a fashion that utilizes time changes frequently and oddly enough doesn’t rely on the same old bar chords. Unfortunately for them, that didn’t help them out with song writing. On two separate occasions (“World We Be Living In”, “You Won’t Feel A Thing”) All Parallels use “Word” as a song lyric. Not in a sentence but as a declaration. And astonishingly enough they throw in the phrase, “Eight ball says all signs point to no.” I need not comment any further. These folks seem to love Jesus too. And while that’s not inherently bad, writing bad lyrics about your faith is (“Baby I gotta be saved/It’s just a hop, skip and a jump away.”). High ground is reached on “Such Fragile Things” when the band comes off sounding like Weezer listening to a little more late eighties hard rock. But that’s not an endorsement of the track. Musical savagery aside, the sheer audacity of this band to employ a law firm and put out sub-schlock is simply offensive. And on behalf of the Editors (Clamor), I would like to request that All Parallels refund the shipping costs of the magazine because all I gained from listening to this slab was learning where to put the “ll” in the band name.